By Josh Shoberg
Dear Yoda,
Where, oh where has my little dog gone? Oh where, oh where can he be? With his ears cut short and his tail cut long, oh where, oh where can he be?
Signed,
Worried
Dear Worried…
My best guess would be to check with the local law enforcement. The pound may have picked him up also. In the worst case scenario, he could have been bitten by a squirrel and contracted rabies only to be hit by a car and when the man gets out, the dog rips off the man’s hand only to be put down by a group of Saudi Arabian missiles. Don’t let that get you down, I’m sure he’ll be fine.
Dear Yoda,
With your thousands of years of experience, how have you decided to prepare for Y2K?
Insincerely,
Fred
Dear Fred…
One word…Guns. When the Y2K virus causes the collapse of society, what more can you do? It’s all gonna be survival of the fittest so we’ve got to be prepared for people acting like animals. Stock up on supplies and be prepared.
Dear Yoda,
I’m having woman trouble. There’s this girl I like, but she won’t let me get to know her. What should I do to get her to realize that I don’t want to date her, but just be friends so I can get to know her better?
Lonely Looser
Dear Looser….
Just tell her, straight out, exactly what you told me in this letter. All you have to do is sit her down and talk to her about how you feel. It’s that simple.