By Andrea Hamilton
As I sit in a coffee shop, my primal existence place, I sometimes wonder how I got here from where I was one year ago. I was angry, sick and frustrated with life. I had few values or morals, and the ones I had accumulated had vanished. My integrity was gone and I hurt inside all the time. I cannot begin to tell you the demon I had become. Since I was twelve I had been using drugs on a weekly if not daily (which it became) basis. I went through treatment, hoping to “get better” in my sophomore year. My family was hopeful of having a relationship with me again and me hopeful of getting my life back. I stayed sober for six months, still angry, afraid and lonely. I could not see what would help, so I started using again.
The next eight months were awful. When I was 16 I dropped out of the Arts High School (which could have started my career) and left my house. I couch hopped for awhile, stayed up all night in 24 hour restaurants, because I had no place to go, but I always had my drugs. I moved in with my friend for four months. I could never pay my bills and never saw sunlight, because I was up until dawn and got up at dusk.
I went to North Carolina to visit some friends and thought about staying because life here sucked. But I knew it would follow me. I came home and for the next three months cried myself to sleep. I went out to dinner with my Mom and Dad and all but got on my knees, and begged to come home. They agreed so long as I was sober. So I lied and told them I had been sober. I lied to get whatever I wanted. I came home and two weeks later they told me to get out or change. I changed.
The next day I went to an AA meeting, which was the start of my recovery. Since that time, I’ve gotten my integrity, my honesty and my love back. I’ve found spirituality and the relationship with my family has improved ten fold. It’s not always perfect, because I’m human and so are they, but there’s love and communication that wasn’t there for years. I have friends like you wouldn’t believe, close, caring, full of life, love and laughter. I am happy, in school, on my way to a diploma, getting a job, money and most of my dreams and goals are back.
Being in Mini-School has helped a lot of this along, with my parents, my sober friends and meetings. I have learned not to be ashamed of my past because it’s made me who I am and I have learned what’s really important in life. Life hasn’t been easy in the last year, but I’m still here, alive and sober for one year on May 26th. Life’s always going to have its struggles, but I know I am strong and willing to believe God and the human race. I know that being honest and true to yourself will bring many things.
I want to thank my Mom and Dad for giving me not only a second chance, but a 16th and 17th chance. I’d like to thank all you in Mini, my teachers and friends for your love, belief in my ability and support.
I wish I could give back all that I ever took from everyone, but what’s awesome is that I’m trying and you can see that and it feels good to know you are proud of me and support me even if I make mistakes. Sometimes I miss the partying and “freedom” from responsibility, but life is so fun and I am more free than I ever have been before. Thank you all and I love you.