By Mike Jacobson
Once upon a time, I was sitting at my house, bored, watching Oprah. My brain seemed to be quickly slipping into a somewhat comatose state, never to return. (At least not until I had to go to the bathroom.) Just then, like a kid eating a pillowcase of Twinkies, I was hit with a sudden jolt of cheap enthusiasm. Oprah had just posed a question that I knew would make the perfect rip-off for a Com-mini-cations article, “What would you ask God?” Okay, so it’s a question that most conservative minds would answer with some cheesy, sentimental value to it. But if you put it in the hands of a smart-aleck Mini student, let them juggle it awhile, the answers come back being only cheesy. Here they are: (all statements included.)
Casey W.- What does Randy look like without a beard?
Doug- Casey is a wuss for not going on the winter camping trip.
Bill Z.- What the F@*#?!!
Pat M.- Where can I get those sandals?
Patti H.- I wouldn’t?
Z R.- What religion do you believe in?
Andrea H.- Why this broad expanse of life? O yeah, what happened to the goddess?
Dan S.- What ?
Allison Y.- Can I get some new shoes?
Randy- Why do bad things happened to good people?
Lance H.- You can’t ask a question to someone who’s not there.
Aaron C.- Can I get back to you on that?
Lisa K.- Can you give me a van?
Me- Do you have a god complex?
Group question- Do you like cockroaches better than us or something?