By Terry Politte
Hi there! I’m one hour old and I decided to tell the whole world what I think about life so far.
I’ll start at the beginning. I was asleep and all the sudden I woke up and decided that I wanted to leave, so I did and I was born. First thing, this funny lookin’ man with a mask on his face picked me up and hit me. Well, I was so shocked, I just sat there and looked at him. Then he did it again. Well, by then I was pretty mad, so I punched him right in the nose. Then they washed me all off and sat there, and these nurses were sitting there saying, “oh, isn’t she cute?”
This big fat nurse pinched my cheek. I got sick of playing around with these characters, so I waited till she did it again and I bit her! She was kinda shocked, but I showed her I wasn’t no squeezing toy.
Well anyway, I’m laying here in this place. It has bars on it and it smells really funny. There’s a whole bunch of other babies in here. They’re laying in these things with bars too. There’s a real cute little boy next to me, his name’s Georgey—-he’s cute! I think he likes me, because he winked at me hee! hee! I like him. I think I’ll marry him, but I won’t tell him…I’ll let him think it’s his idea. See, boys don’t understand that when girls decide to marry they pick them, but if the boy knew, he wouldn’t like that. See, they think they’re the boss, but us girls know who really is!
Hey, here comes this one nurse. She’s real nice. Oh, she’s coming to me. She’s holding me up to the window and some guy is waving at me. That must be my daddy. He looks pretty nice, but ya never know about mummies and daddies. Sometimes they put you in a garbage can or hit you and are mean to ya. I hope my parents won’t be like that to me. Most of the time, babies get to pick their own parents. But sometimes you don’t get to, because everyone wants the same ones a lot of times. So then the bureau of mommies and daddies just put names in a hat and pick for each baby. I don’t know very much about mine cause I can’t read very well, but I’ll learn.
Oh boy, here comes the nurse with my dinner Num! What? Milk! ISH! I was expecting Spaghetteos, they’re my favorite. Nummy! Oh, I want some, maybe if I cry I’ll get some.
Waaaaaa! Waaaa!! Waaaaaaa!!!! What? She took my bottle away, boy, I’m gonna tell mommy on her soon as I learn how to talk. Hey wait! If I can’t talk, I can’t write. Oh gee, I better go, because if I get caught, they’ll send me back for knowing too much. Okay.
Bye bye. “Goo goo” I mean.
P.S. Don’t tell, all right?